Is anger a “bad emotion”? Most of us associate it with violence and harm to others. There’s no shortage of programs to help people manage their anger issues. Still, it’s not possible to banish this feeling from our life completely. How, then, can we transform destructive anger into healthy anger? And what can we learn in the process?
Body-Oriented Approach to Anger Issues on Primetime TV
The other day I was watching an episode of “Grey’s Anatomy.” This time I was not just entertained by the adventures of attractive surgeons. I was pleasantly surprised to see body psychotherapy shown in mainstream TV.
Without spoiling anything, one of the characters was undergoing a mental health treatment. Her therapist was helping her come to terms with intense feelings, including shame and anger.
They used several techniques, such as EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing). Then the therapist suggested a safe, somatic way to express anger and rage.
At first the patient was surprised because she had always thought that anger could only hurt. She quickly realized, however, that there was another way of working with anger.
The therapist gave her a box of soft balls and encouraged her to throw them against the wall, as a way to unload stored frustration. At some point the client started screaming, as if trying to let the frustration out. You could see the emotional release as she dropped to the floor. A classic bioenergetic exercise!
Bioenergetic Analysis And Anger Issues
Alexander Lowen, creator of the body-oriented method of psychotherapy called Bioenergetic Analysis, was convinced that in order to live a balanced life and enjoy good mental and physical health, humans need to feel and express their whole range of emotions, anger included.
Lowen was a keen observer of how our bodies showed signs of irritation, anger, or pure rage. He also developed a theory that we built a bodily armour, made of muscle tensions and stiffness, to suppress unwanted feelings or impulses.
Our Bodies Express Anger
Emotions are more tangible than we think. Yes, we experience them on a spiritual level but they are also present in our muscles and organs. Our energy literally flows and moves through us with the help of fluids, especially blood, which transports oxygen, and keeps our organs alive.
When we get mad, we often feel the blood flowing upwards, towards the head. You can literally see it – the face turns red, so do the eyes. We may notice a heat wave rising in us. Or sometimes we get so mad that we shut down the blood flow and our eyes become cold, we grit our teeth, and the whole body seems frozen.
Anger As a Suppressed Emotion
Since anger is regarded a bad emotion, many of us learn to hide it early on. We’re told to control or manage our temper. And that makes sense, to a degree. After all, we have to function in a society. But if anger becomes too repressed, it will affect our wellbeing and mental health.
Bioenergetic discovery of emotions begins with the breath. It takes enormous amounts of energy to stop yourself from feeling your “bad” emotions. So, we shorten our breath. Once you start taking in more air and letting it out slowly, you can get in touch with stuck and hidden emotions, including anger.
In most societies today it's more socially acceptable for a woman to weep than to stomp and shout.
Anger is a powerful emotion
Anger has many shades. Through Bioenergetic Analysis and exercises we learn to recognize its levels of intensity.
Here are the main types of anger:
- Irritation. This is a common state of annoyance, feeling on edge.
- Anger. This is a strong emotion in reaction to something. Maybe your supervisor treated you unfairly. Maybe your partner broke an important rule in the relationship. Many of us experience anger and have no idea where it’s coming from, so the first step is to notice its roots.
- Rage. This is what we think of as uncontrollable anger. It’s that state of “seeing red” and not being able to hide your intense feelings. Some people build such a strong “armour” that they manage to subdue their rage. But at what cost?
Bioenergetic Analysis looks at how anger shows up in the body and how it affects our life. It also looks for signs of blocking or hiding anger.
For example, people who are irritated but try not to show it may end up acting passive aggressive or cynical. That’s on the intellectual level.
On the bodily level the bubbling irritation may present itself as teeth grinding. That in turn may cause headaches, which make a person even more tense. A vicious, psychosomatic circle is created.
Masking Anger With Sadness
While some people express their anger freely, sometimes without paying attention to its effects on others, there’s a group of people for whom anger is a taboo emotion.
And so, instead of getting mad, raising their voice, and showing anger they turn to crying or being sad.
This is a common scenario for women as female anger is even more criticized than men’s in many societies. It’s more socially acceptable for a woman to weep than to stomp and shout.
Anger Is Not Just About Release
When we are children we can easily access our irritation or rage. Anyone who has ever seen a toddler in a temper tantrum knows what I’m talking about.
But soon enough, in the process of socialization, we find out that throwing yourself on the supermarket floor because you can’t get a toy from the shelf is not an accepted behavior. And sure, the art of being an adult is having the ability to contain our feelings when it’s needed.
What most of us don’t hear as children is that anger in itself is OK. Everyone gets mad sometimes. The trick is to know how to express our anger in a healthy way instead of keeping it all in or lashing out on our loved ones.
In bioenergetic therapy we learn that all feelings are valid and we can express them, as long as we don’t harm others. Throwing things against the wall is one of the ways to release the rage building up inside.
But just throwing it all out (literally) is not enough, if you’re suffering. If you have unprocessed trauma, depression, or feel tense all the time.
In somatic psychotherapy or bioenergetic exercise groups you can learn to notice what’s on a deeper level of your anger issues.
With the support of a bioenergetic therapist you can gradually discover the sources of your rage. You can also understand why you’re blocking your anger if that is the case.
Working with a bioenergetic therapist is a powerful source of corrective experience, allowing you to unblock your access to healthy anger. If you make an experience that your therapist doesn’t get upset when you express anger, something changes inside of you.
Finding Healthy Anger In Yourself
It’s healthy to get angry sometimes. With bioenergetic exercises or therapy you can discover your attitudes to this crucial emotion. You can learn to harness the energy of anger, feel more regulated, and alive.
If your anger issues are getting out of control and you’re worried about it, or others are telling you that they feel intimidated or uncomfortable when you get angry, it’s best to reach out to a mental health expert.
In Bioenergetic Analysis you’ll have a safe container to explore your emotions. The therapist will guide you to use the power of anger to feel more alive, instead of feeling miserable, or putting your relationships at risk.
But this path may be pretty winding. Before you’re able to feel and live out healthy anger, you may need to go deep into your past to understand your patterns of behavior. And these have been building since you were very little.
Some people have a tendency to heat up in seconds, yelling and tossing plates around. Those same people may not be able to cry and weep.
Bioenergetic exercises offer the way back towards healthy anger. Only when you allow yourself to feel it, can you process it, or express it. Go ahead, give it a try (but prepare a few soft balls or stuffed animals to throw at walls first!)
Looking for bioenergetic workshops or therapy to help you work on your anger issues or other psychological concerns? Book your first consultation in Zurich or online.
